Apathy?

Recently I was informed that I was caustic and apathetic. Since then I have been wondering why this offended me, what chord deep down did it strike? As anybody who knows me can tell you, I have been called a lot worse. I have been gradually driving myself deeper into despair because it had a ring of truth. Was it the "caustic" comment that cut me? All my life I have been fairly quick on my feet, verbally, and found out early doors that the best way to deflect focus from your shortcomings is to point out the absurdities of someone else. As I've got older and more enlightened, I still make fun, but confess to the odd twinge of guilt when I do.
But surely that wasn't it? I've been aware of that for a long time and am doing my best, if not to moderate it, then at least come to terms with it. It was definitely the apathy thing. There are times when my eyes glaze over and the conversation sounds like "blah". Surely I should have a greater stake in the things being discussed? Not necessarily. Do you know why?

Because its not fucking interesting.

I am 43 years old and one of the most valuable lessons I have learnt in that time is that I don't have to put up with bullshit. I have too many tangible issues in my life to fake curiosity or concern for someone elses fabricated concerns.

I say fabricated because I know damn well that there is no likelihood of contributing anything worthwhile to the solution of the problem. Life has led me to observe what I call the "Who Cares Most" principle. It's really just a simple observation about how people react to stimuli and consequence. People provided with the right stimulus in the absence of overwhelming consequence will make a contribution. Consequences like losing your job because you quit to go protesting the plight of caged bears, in my case, would be a deterrent. Some people may possess a greater passion for these things and will follow their words with action.

Otherwise it's just all hot air, worthy of passing discussion, maybe, but certainly not my attention. Moral of the story, if you would like to engage my interest, talk about something interesting. Otherwise my caustic side may resurface and I'll tell you exactly why I'm not listening.

Monday, bloody Monday

Just one of those days. My monkeysphere has shrunk to record low numbers. But why should you care?

Five of Swords

From (and for) mi amica bella


"FIVE OF SWORDS: BE DETERMINED TO MAINTAIN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE TODAY. OTHERS WILL ADJUST IN THEIR OWN TIME....

all i can say is it gets might lonely when you are always so far ahead of everyone else. why do i have to continually wait on others. let me tell you now, its just easier if things get done my way first time around and then i wont have to wait for others to adjust in their own time. its not just their time. its my time too..... why don't you just all stop dilly dallying around and hurry the FLICK up!!!
what have you got to blog about that ranxy????
that text killed my positive attitude."

So I thought I'd look up the Five of Swords.

acting in your own self-interest
setting aside the concerns of others
looking out for number one
thinking of your own needs
knowing you must concentrate on yourself
encountering selfishness
indulging in power plays
gloating
going for the win-lose result
experiencing discord
being in a hostile environment
feeling people are set against each other
choosing to battle
having an "us-against-them" mentality
creating ill will
experiencing conflict
witnessing open dishonor
losing your moral compass
letting ends justify means
sacrificing integrity
losing sight of what is right
achieving a dubious victory
knowing of criminal activity





Not a lot of positivity in any of those definitions, but read in the context of the accompanying email, the Five of Swords sounds like the right card. There is little point becoming impatient that the world will not adjust itself to suit your needs. It is difficult to affect the external stimuli in your life in a predictable way, all you can do is manage how you filter and react to them. If it is important to you that things be done your way (control freak) then your options are hope that people will do it your way or do it yourself. Saying that you are ahead of everyone else implies that you know where you are going and that "others" are going to follow you. Do they know where you are going? Or are you asking they trust blindly in your divine right to lead? Do they even know they are expected to follow? It's not just your time, it's their time too. It is just your journey, unless you include others in it, but once you do, it is never going to go 100% your way. That's the beauty of it, the unpredictablilty of it all. The travelling partners you pick up and leave behind when you find a different direction or that leave you behind as their priorities and goals change. You can encourage the ones you want to follow you, (which is more likely to happen if you display a positive attitude), or you can piss and moan that life is unfair because it isn't going the way you planned. I like to think I'm one of the former type of people that slips occasionally. I love nothing more than to rant and rave when I feel things are not going my way, but only in short bursts ;-)