Apathy?

Recently I was informed that I was caustic and apathetic. Since then I have been wondering why this offended me, what chord deep down did it strike? As anybody who knows me can tell you, I have been called a lot worse. I have been gradually driving myself deeper into despair because it had a ring of truth. Was it the "caustic" comment that cut me? All my life I have been fairly quick on my feet, verbally, and found out early doors that the best way to deflect focus from your shortcomings is to point out the absurdities of someone else. As I've got older and more enlightened, I still make fun, but confess to the odd twinge of guilt when I do.
But surely that wasn't it? I've been aware of that for a long time and am doing my best, if not to moderate it, then at least come to terms with it. It was definitely the apathy thing. There are times when my eyes glaze over and the conversation sounds like "blah". Surely I should have a greater stake in the things being discussed? Not necessarily. Do you know why?

Because its not fucking interesting.

I am 43 years old and one of the most valuable lessons I have learnt in that time is that I don't have to put up with bullshit. I have too many tangible issues in my life to fake curiosity or concern for someone elses fabricated concerns.

I say fabricated because I know damn well that there is no likelihood of contributing anything worthwhile to the solution of the problem. Life has led me to observe what I call the "Who Cares Most" principle. It's really just a simple observation about how people react to stimuli and consequence. People provided with the right stimulus in the absence of overwhelming consequence will make a contribution. Consequences like losing your job because you quit to go protesting the plight of caged bears, in my case, would be a deterrent. Some people may possess a greater passion for these things and will follow their words with action.

Otherwise it's just all hot air, worthy of passing discussion, maybe, but certainly not my attention. Moral of the story, if you would like to engage my interest, talk about something interesting. Otherwise my caustic side may resurface and I'll tell you exactly why I'm not listening.

Monday, bloody Monday

Just one of those days. My monkeysphere has shrunk to record low numbers. But why should you care?

Five of Swords

From (and for) mi amica bella


"FIVE OF SWORDS: BE DETERMINED TO MAINTAIN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE TODAY. OTHERS WILL ADJUST IN THEIR OWN TIME....

all i can say is it gets might lonely when you are always so far ahead of everyone else. why do i have to continually wait on others. let me tell you now, its just easier if things get done my way first time around and then i wont have to wait for others to adjust in their own time. its not just their time. its my time too..... why don't you just all stop dilly dallying around and hurry the FLICK up!!!
what have you got to blog about that ranxy????
that text killed my positive attitude."

So I thought I'd look up the Five of Swords.

acting in your own self-interest
setting aside the concerns of others
looking out for number one
thinking of your own needs
knowing you must concentrate on yourself
encountering selfishness
indulging in power plays
gloating
going for the win-lose result
experiencing discord
being in a hostile environment
feeling people are set against each other
choosing to battle
having an "us-against-them" mentality
creating ill will
experiencing conflict
witnessing open dishonor
losing your moral compass
letting ends justify means
sacrificing integrity
losing sight of what is right
achieving a dubious victory
knowing of criminal activity





Not a lot of positivity in any of those definitions, but read in the context of the accompanying email, the Five of Swords sounds like the right card. There is little point becoming impatient that the world will not adjust itself to suit your needs. It is difficult to affect the external stimuli in your life in a predictable way, all you can do is manage how you filter and react to them. If it is important to you that things be done your way (control freak) then your options are hope that people will do it your way or do it yourself. Saying that you are ahead of everyone else implies that you know where you are going and that "others" are going to follow you. Do they know where you are going? Or are you asking they trust blindly in your divine right to lead? Do they even know they are expected to follow? It's not just your time, it's their time too. It is just your journey, unless you include others in it, but once you do, it is never going to go 100% your way. That's the beauty of it, the unpredictablilty of it all. The travelling partners you pick up and leave behind when you find a different direction or that leave you behind as their priorities and goals change. You can encourage the ones you want to follow you, (which is more likely to happen if you display a positive attitude), or you can piss and moan that life is unfair because it isn't going the way you planned. I like to think I'm one of the former type of people that slips occasionally. I love nothing more than to rant and rave when I feel things are not going my way, but only in short bursts ;-)

Don't read the news.....

....just the headlines

Every day I promise myself I'm not going to read the news, but I can't help myself.
If I did keep my promise, I would miss out on gems like these two. Oddly enough, they both come from the South of the USA.

In an endeavour to stop a man doused in petrol from setting himself alight, police shot him with a Taser. Really.

The next one is about a couple who fell to their deaths in flagrante delicto. A pretty sad story, but a headline writers dream.

Naked couple's sex death plunge

Lazy

I have been extremely lazy in keeping this updated, but that's partly because I'm experimenting with different ways of expressing myself (poetry and song writing at the moment is a heap of fun) and partly because I spend what little free computer time I have reading other people's blogs. If you have a few minutes, visit Sweet Namasté. I read it a few months back and thought "meh", but since then she has moved on and is living with a family on the West Bank. Her pictures and stories humanise the Middle East without the heavy, depressing rhetoric of most of the stories I come across. It makes me aware that my time could be better spent without completely quashing my hope.

HBTM HBTM HBDM HBTM HHH HHH HHH*

Woo hoo!! The Foundation Day long weekend once again coincides perfectly with my birthday. Unlike certain people (Norm, Woz, Jillie, I'm looking at you) I love making a big deal of my birthday. Not because it's my birthday, but purely because I'm more likely to get "Yes" when I invite people over. I just love to surround myself with friends and family and my birthday is the perfect excuse, a sort of mid year Christmas. So if the weather stays fine, Sunday will find me basking in the backyard drinking and making merry, while my friends come and worship at the altar of me. If it rains, I hope we fit in the shed.

Just hope no one brings any myrrh. :-)

*Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear me
Happy Birthday to me
Hip Hip Hooray
Hip Hip Hooray
Hip Hip Hooray

Jeff Buckley

10 years ago Jeff Buckley went swimming and never came back. I always wonder, after the succcess of Grace, if he would have gone on to be known as a brilliant song writer or if he would have disappeared, leaving behind a trail broken songs. From the music he did manage to record before his death, it was obvious that he played music "outside the box", but to watch and listen to him sing was to see and hear real emotion and power. Every syllable, every emotion was squeezed out, kicking and screaming and laid bare before the audience.

RIP Jeff Buckley

Zimbabwe

I have thought about the Australian Cricket tour to Zimbabwe since the Australian Government announced its ban and have come to the conclusion that they have it right. Sadly it is at the expense of my favourite sport (and Johnnie's), but something had to be done. It is patently obvious that the ICC (Ineffectual Cadre of Cretins) have no intention of doing ANYTHING, EVER. They seem to think that the World Cup is over they can sit back an rest until the next one. Then again, maybe their indolence is not such a bad thing when you consider the last actions they took was to sack Darrell Hair for upholding the rules of the game and, coincidentally, reinstate Zimbabwe as a Test playing nation (which way did Zimbabwe vote, I wonder?).

The problems in Zimbabwe go way beyound cricket, this may not even be a blip on the radar there. That any country in this day and age has an average life expectancy of 36 defies belief.

Just say ....sorry what was the question?

This post over at The Age is one of the most reasonable arguments against marijuana use I have seen in a long time. The argument that pot is harmless, as put forth by the older smoker, is based on the misapprehension that the weed today is the same as back in the day. It's not. Its stronger and covered in pesticides and other harmful chemicals. (But what deterrent is that going to be to people who gladly ingest those chemicals in pill form?)

The best argument (and i say best because it has been one that has always haunted me) I have copied from the Age article.

"the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but well son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored -- and it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything."

Look here

My older son is going to be playing indoor cricket for WA at the National Titles in Sydney next month and I'm going along as a sort of diarist/chronicler. I'll be keeping notes here.